21st
JAMBOREE
At a girl guide jamboree it was possible with sensitive equipment to record the sound of acne developing. Played to boy scouts they got excited when told what it was. Many started to masturbate, but were given wholesome advice by uneasy scoutmasters.
A VARNISHED COATHOOK
A varnished coathook, embedded on a closet wall, drew my eye. It was warm, and upside down in the close summer air. On the door a hitherto cryptic notice — ‘BALLOONS’.
SEE ME
“See me!” screamed the old woman and tottered off the cliff. The sharp wind up her coat revived her interest in life for a few bitter-sweet seconds.
O QUARTZ
Sand is blowing. i.e. stones are blowing. A minute insect cries — stones are blowing! — or boulders even. So if a grain of sand hits you it’s like being hit by a house. Sandflies are the bravest creatures on the world. They pray to the wind god to let up and their worst oath is — O quartz!
THE OLD LADY DANCED
The old lady danced an assisted highland fling for charity.
(All from ‘Private Habits’ by Ivor Cutler.)
